Monday, February 08, 2016

Heeeey Mattel...

Barbie Girl
...As a collector of Barbies, surely you jackals realize that your new line of Plastics are not going to fit the clothes I already have!

Oh, I take it you all are going to create a whole new wardrobe for each one of the New Dolls on the Block. That's going to cost extra, isn't it?


I see you Mattel.

Do you know what this is going to do to Barbie gameplay? How is classic Barbie supposed to live and party with these Broads? Not only will T&A not be able to borrow the clothes, but Legs is going to have to walk around the dream house with her head bowed so she isn't grazing the ceiling. And speaking on behalf of Fun-Sized--because I know her struggle--you will be making some kind of step ladder for her so she can reach the top cabinets in the kitchen, right? So the others are not snickering at her as she climbs the counter to get a cup.

And did you think about the car! You got some phone books for her to sit on or a way to push the seat so far up she's kissing the steering wheel!? Or a way to push it back so Legs can drive from the back seat?

"I'm just not sure how well this plan was thought through."

I also notice there is no new batch of Kens in your lineup. Just a cornucopia of chicks all with clones of the same guy: tall, rock hard abs, vacant stare, no bulge...

This may come as a shock Mattel, but real men have penises. 

And thank God they do!

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