...That is what I wrote in my journal early in the week.
I'm really going to try this year.
Seven years in and this day is still hard for me.
I still have a mini attack of sadness and panic whenever I even think about the exact spot I was in when I learned you were gone.
And the thing is, I had to have felt it right when it happened because that whole morning and afternoon I just wasn't myself. Trying to enjoy a day out with family yet trying my best to hold back tears. I didn't even know why I was feeling so sad.
I was thinking about you as that had been a way for me to restore whatever joy I had lost. But that wasn't even working.
Then I found out why.
I wanted to die in that very moment. All of us who love you. We all did. Wherever you were, that's where we wanted to be. Not stuck here without you.
Still stuck here. Still missing you.
My goal for today is to draw you again. And listen to a song or two. I'm going to try.
I'm really trying Brother. I'm really trying. This is not easy.
I miss you so much!