Thursday, March 27, 2014

Isaiah-Tales

Placeholder for The New Georgie Witherspoon
Connor and Grace Witherspoon decided that their kids would bypass Kindergarten and start school in the First Grade. Now, this doesn’t mean the kids weren’t ready when they were enrolled in New Faith Christian Academy.

Nannies were in charge of First Grade preparation and Moira was a fun teacher for five year old Georgie. Lessons were like games complete with rewards like going to a professional hockey game or getting extra dirty then skipping a bath.

The only trouble was story time. Ugh! Mother insisted on the most boring books for that precious hour; all about princesses and weddings and magical faeries granting wishes. No story hour went by without Georgie reminding Moira that the books were boring and predictable and not worth reading.

Until...

Moira braced herself after calling Georgie to sit with her in the library for story hour. The book she was reading had everything Georgie hated in it and she didn’t feel up to an argument about why it’s worth reading even if it is stupid. Georgie approached her with that usual “Oh dear Lord, not this again” look on her face until she spotted the book in Moira’s hand. She squealed and almost tripped running to sit next to Moira.

“I love this story! It’s so funny!”

Moira was understandably shocked. Yesterday, before she could get through chapter two, Georgie had fallen to the floor and announced that the story had killed her. And she lay there motionless until Moira finished reading. But she shrugged it off and began to read.

“What is this?” Georgie interrupted, looking at the cover of the book.

“The Lonely Princess,” Moira answered. “It’s the book we started reading a couple of days ago.”

“You’re reading it wrong again,” Georgie pouted. “You’ve been reading it wrong all this time and I want you to stop.”

“Excuse me? Have you been reading this book?”

“No.”

“Then what makes you think I’m reading it wrong?”

“Isaiah said you were. He read part of it to me yesterday and it was different and funnier and he said you were reading it wrong so I won’t get ideas.”

Moira almost didn’t want to ask. “Well, how is it supposed to go?”

Georgie smiled. “Well she starts out lonely but not because she was locked away in a tower. What really happened is a witch put a spell on her that gave her smelly burps.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! But she doesn’t want to break the spell because her burps are magical and can turn anybody she doesn’t like into troll turds. So she learned how to burp people’s names so they would turn into troll turds.”

“Troll turds.”

“Right! And the troll turds are magical too. Because if you put them in a garden, all the flowers turn into candy. And that’s all that everybody eats and it doesn’t make them sick.”

“And this burping Princess,” Moira said, trying to remain as serious as Georgie was about this. “she has friends?”

“Yeah! There’s the Prince that farts bubbles that trap bad guys and carry them away and the Queen who can spit forty miles and knock over buildings.”

“Oh that’s...nice.”

“I know, so read it right this time! And let’s skip to chapter three. Isaiah said chapter three teaches you how to burp people’s names.”

As much as Isaiah gets on Georgie’s nerves these days, she can still appreciate his fractured faery-tales.

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Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24